Fitness

The Modified Life

November 20, 2019 by samemac 89 Comments

NOTE: This was originally posted on Facebook on November 2017 when I was in limbo over where long-form writing would live. It came across my memories feed today, and I felt like it needed a home here.

This piece still clearly speaks for where I am on my wellness journey. Also, 2019 update! I’m up to five shoulder dislocations, but I’d still bet on the 2019 version of me than the 2014 any day of the week.

Thursday morning was one of those times when the warmup for the workout left me breathless and exhausted, even after five minutes.

That happens, usually, when it’s been a big, long week and when my stubborn streak is the only reason I️ even walked through the door.

In case you’re curious…that stubborn streak often presents itself in the form of something cheesy and inspirational — but is deep down truthful. Coach Steve’s zinger from a few year’s back was the winner for that morning.

“You woke up too early to be average” echoed repeatedly through my brain, while I toyed with pressing snooze. It worked. I️ begrudgingly got out of bed… and as always, it was worth it. I left the gym that morning feeling renewed, but not just in the “I️ got a good workout” kind of way.

The programmed workout included deadlifts and pull-ups. I love deadlifts, but that other one is a movement that has been my Achilles heel since I joined the gym five years ago. And since the third dislocation in February, I’ve stayed away from all Olympic lifts with weight above my head, movements like rowing, and of course — pull-ups.

Steve and I️ discussed what my pull-up modification would be, which lead to a quick conversation about what life will look like when/if I ever decide to go overhead with any kind of weight or to be back on the pull-up bar.

Shoulders that habitually dislocate aren’t any fun. And as Steve began using science-ish words that meant my shoulder mobility would need to be safely tested before ever moving back toward that place, I quickly blurted, “You know… my feelings aren’t hurt because I don’t do those things.”

My shoulder was dislodged from its rightful space after being thrown from a kayak, but the other two times? I was doing a sit-up and reaching for a bar.

Those two moments are the equivalent of waking up in a panic because I️ overslept or reaching for a door handle the wrong way because I’m rushed to get out the door.

I’ve had to hit the reset button on training three times.

Three. Times.

We could revisit that stubborn streak for why I’m even in the gym at all anymore, but that’s a topic for another day entirely.

When we look at the scope of training as a marathon, life-long thing… the perspective shifts a good bit. I’ve written about this in other spaces, but a life of wellness isn’t a short-term goal.

Modifications in the gym don’t lead to being any less of an athlete or generate an instance of being weak. My limits have allowed me to improve in areas I was severely lacking.

And in the truest definition of you vs. you, I would put money on the 2017 version of me versus the 2014 version of me — bum shoulder and all.

When I was walking out of the gym that morning, I realized that the extension of that statement reaches far into the depths of my life and not just inside my safe space on Lincoln Road.

Because I overthink and rationalize things from front to back, I concluded that dealing with struggles and obstacles along the way — outside of the gym — have also stemmed from this place of owning my limitations and modifying to overcome.

And again, I would bet on 2017 Sam over 2014 Sam… every day of the week.

Years ago, Dad instilled this notion of adapting, improvising and overcoming as a mantra for dealing with the hard things in life. When you’re in high school and college, that looks a lot different than oh, say… your late 20s and 30s.

I’m downright awful at handling the emotional things in life and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve had to lean into that statement much, much more. And over the last year or so, there have been moments of brokenness that I really didn’t know what to do with.

Whether it’s a bum shoulder or heartache, leaning in is the hardest of hard things.

Leaning in allows for us to be upfront with whatever the issue is – which brings about a sense of understanding without clouded judgment. It opens the door to feeling the hurt and rationalizing that those feelings are normal — and that we’re never fully alone. It also sets us up, realistically, for the next steps of life.

And, all of that can simply be summed up with the fact that the journey of evolving is never over.

They say time heals all things. I don’t know who “they” are… but, I think they shortchanged that statement a bit.

Our actions and responses during that time are what heals all things, which sometimes means modifying and living within our limits. And when we lean in and brave whatever the issue is… we evolve into better versions of ourselves.

I’m not even close to mastering this technique, by the way… but I hope I get closer, every day.